Lunchtime with the Flock
by Spirited Heart
Summary: Lunchtime with the Flock...lemons...Fang's lunch box...Fang making weird food...Fang being psycho...Max beating up Fang for being psycho...oh, you know, the usual. OOC and completely random fan fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Lunchtime with the Flock...lemons...Fang's lunchbox...Fang making weird food...Fang being psycho...Max beating up Fang for being psycho...oh, you know, the usual. OOC and completely random fan fic. **

**A/N: hey people. Here's another funny (well...I think it's funny) MR story. It's kinda OOC, but has that ever stopped me before? No. no it hasn't.**

**Disclaimer: don't own MR. never have, never will. Boo hoo for me.**

"I'm hungry. Can we have lunch, Maxy?"

"Not if you call me that, we can't, Fnick."

"Do I look like a 'Fnick' to you?!"

The Flock leader shook her fair-haired head. "No. Too many wrinkles to look like a young'un."

"That's it! I QUIT." Fang stormed off, in search of food.

"Good. Saves me from having to fire you," Max called after him, grinning mischievously as she set her pen aside and quickly ignored the undone homework in front of her.

A minute later, the five other members of the Flock joined Fang in the small but clean kitchen.

"Oh no," Gazzy groaned. "You're not--"

Fang turned around, grinning like...like only Fang can grin. Like a complete lunatic, only...more so. "I am. For my five dearest friends, I shall prepare a meal unlike anything tasted even in Heaven!"

"Exactly, 'cause it'll be closer to what's on the menu in Hell," Max muttered, as she stood leaning against a wall, arms folded across her chest.

"What'd you say, Max?" Fang asked, completely unaware that he'd just been insulted. He was already busily poking around in the cupboards pulling out seemingly entirely random items and ingredients.

"I said--"

Iggy cut Max off with a shove. "Ehm, she was just asking what it was you were planning on making, Fang."

"Ah. But if I told you, it would ruin the anticipation! The flair! The brilliance! The exquisi--"

"Can you make me a sandwich, Fang?"

Five very confused Flock members turned to stare at Nudge.

"Well, it takes a lot of work to make a sandwich! A good one, that is."

"Riiiiiight..."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

"Oh." The most talkative of the flock's face fell...Nudge was sad. "But I really want a sandwich..."

"Well, no-one's stopping you from making one yourself," Iggy pointed out.

Nudge's face brightened. "All right then. I'm making a sandwich!"

As Fang and Nudge busied themselves throwing ingredients about and generally making a grand mess of things, Max shook her head sadly. "Iggs...why are you encouraging them?"

"It's actually quite simple, Max," he began in an instructive tone…about to teach Max everything he happened to know about just why he was encouraging them.

Max instantly regretted the question. _Oh no...It's the Iggy-voice!! He's going to go on for hours if I don't find some way to distract him--!_

"...reflects upon a hardwired psychological impulse...

"...when the cerebral cortex responds to hypodermical stimuli in...

"...really goes all the way back to...

"...the theories on this particular phenomenon are actually a subject of fierce debate since..."

Just as Max was about to resort to simply screaming that her head was about to explode (as she felt the case to be at that precise moment), a distraction came. And Iggy stopped.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Nudge screamed as she backed rapidly away from the open refrigerator door.

"What? What is it, Nudge?" Fang asked in concern, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder as he peered around her to look confusedly at the apparently offensive refrigerator.

"That...that..." she began, shakily pointing a finger at...something in the fridge.

"That what? The mayonnaise?"

Nudge shook her head.

"The ketchup?"

Nudge shook her head again.

"The lemons?"

Nudge shook her head, and Max shrieked. "WHAT?! FANG, you got more lemons?! What is WRONG with you??"

"Well, for starters..." Iggy began, in the Iggy-voice..

"Shut up, Iggy," Max snapped uncharacteristically. "FA-NG! You...just...ARGH!!"

Fang blinked innocently. "How do you 'argh'..?"

"FA-NG!!" Max yelled, starting towards the now cowering Fang, bloody battle seething in her eyes.

Fang screamed in an unthinkably high range, and ran out of the room, the Flock leader hot on his (high) heels.

Iggy glanced at his watch.

Momentarily, the other four remaining flock members could hear pleas for mercy tumbling out of Fang's mouth, faster than they'd ever heard him say something.

Angel looked at Iggy's watch. "Seven-point-oh-three-two seconds. Not bad. Not a new record, but not bad."

Max sauntered back into the kitchen, brushing her hands off on her jeans. "So, what was it you were so frightened of, Nudge?"

"Yeah," Fang croaked, slowly hobbling into the kitchen behind Max, groaning as he held his stomach, bent over double and looking as if...well...he'd gotten beaten up by someone much stronger than himself. (Which of course had been the case, so this made sense.) "What was it, Nudge?"

Nudge laughed seeing Fang. Then remembered what it was she'd seen in the fridge, and the twinkle fell from her eye. "Something terrible... this!"

The other five gasped as Nudge gingerly picked something up out of the fridge, and set it on the counter next to them.

Then they were silent.

And looked at the item oddly.

"Uh, Nudge?" Fang asked.

"What? Isn't it terrible??"

"Ehm... it... looks like a block of cheese, Nudge."

"Exactly."

"This is what scared you?"

"Yes."

"O-kay... now, Nudge, I know you have trouble remembering to swallow it sometimes, but--"

"No, Max. This isn't about that..." Nudge interrupted huffily. "Look at it!"

"I did. It's a block of cheese."

"Look at it closely."

Iggy bent down to study the offending cheese and sniffed it quietly. "Hrm..."

"Well, what do you think, Iggy?" Max asked tiredly. "--the short version," she quickly amended, sensing the Iggy-voice.

"Well..." Iggy began as he stood back up. "It is, as Fang so brilliantly pointed out, cheese."

Fang beamed.

"However," the blind bird kid continued, "it is not, as he stupidly failed to notice, sliced."

Fang frowned and sniffled.

"It's okay, Fang, we're all a little slow sometimes," Angel comforted, slapping a hand onto Fang's shoulder.

"Ow!! Oh...man..." Fang moaned as he collapsed onto the floor.

Angel looked at her hand, confused.

"It wasn't your hand, Angel," Max clarified. "I beat him up, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Didn't think I was that strong. I like to watch other people exercise. Not do it myself."

Iggy cleared his throat.

"Oh yeah. Sorry Iggs. Continue," Max apologized.

"The cheese is, as I believe I mentioned, not sliced. And it is cheddar, is it not Nudge?"

"It is," Nudge confirmed with a nod.

"Then there's our problem right there."

"Ohhhh..." Fang said, attempting to pull himself up off the floor again. "That's right. Nudge always hated cheddar cheese that wasn't in the little plastic slices."

"So, the question remains..." Edge concluded, looking slowly around at his flock mates. "Who bought the non-sliced cheddar cheese?"

Silence pervaded the room…

…Until Fang scuffled a foot on the floor. "Ehmmm..."

Max rolled her eyes. "Well, if you were smart enough to bring more lemons home..."

"Look, I'm sorry! So I forgot about the lemons!"

"How could you FORGET about LEMONS?! You started the bloody problem anyway!" Max took a step towards Fang, fist again forming at her side.

Fang shrieked, and tried to move away, but fell back to the floor. He scuttled backwards, fear in his dark and now readable eyes.

"Max," Iggy said firmly, putting a hand on the fuming Flock leader's shoulder.

"What?" Max replied tensely, muscles continuing to ready themselves for another Fang-pummeling.

"You've already beaten him up once today."

"Yes, and?".

"And didn't we make a deal?"

"No, what-- Oh yeah." Max sighed, and backed away from the still-cowering Fang. "'Once a day, or else Max has to pay.' And I'm not payin' for Fang's hospital bill again."

Fang sighed in relief.

Nudge looked disappointed. (She'd hoped Max would beat up Fang for buying the non-sliced cheddar...yeah...remember that?)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: no one read or reviewed, so I just wrote another chapter. TAKE THAT YOU PEOPLE WHO REFUSE TO REVIEW MY STORY!! Ahem. Sorry about that. Anyway, here's chapter two. **

**Disclaimer: completely OOC, in which Fang can't stop talking, Nudge rants, and Iggy is…well…Iggy**

Half an hour later, Fang approached Gazzy and Max with yet another moronic grin on his face.

"I've finished my masterpiece!"

"Yes?" his fellow flock members replied tiredly.

Fang pulled the cover off a large silver plate, grinning like a psychopath as he revealed...

...well...

...The Gasman and Max were speechless.

But Nudge, who had momentarily turned away from her own creative processes to view Fang's "culinary masterpiece", was not.

"WHAT THE BLOODY SPOTTED ZEBRA DID YOU DO, YOU BULBOUS-BEAKED BAFFOON?!"

Fang looked hurt and bewildered. "Wha...?"

"YOU MESSED UP A SANDWICH!!"

"I did?" Fang asked, puzzled.

"YES, you did! How can you mess up a sandwich?! You're SUCH an idiot, Fang, really, how could anyone be such a complete flippin' bloody banana-faced imbecile, you've really. . ."

"I think what the problem is, Fang," Iggy offered, putting a gentle hand on his friend's shoulder. "…is that you've put it together in...well...a slightly different fashion than Nudge is accustomed to."

"I have? What'd I do wrong?"

"Well... you've put it together inside-out," Max answered for Iggy, indicating the slices of bread placed on top of each other, some sort of spread on the top and bottom, but not between the slices of bread.

"Oh. That's wrong?" Fang asked naïvely.

"YES, it's WRONG!" Nudge screamed, as she continued her outburst...

"Hey Fang," Max asked inquisitively as she studied the sandwiches. "What kind of sandwiches are these?"

"Lemon fluff and Spam," he answered nonchalantly.

"WHAT?!" his five bird kid friends cried in alarm.

"Fang, that's NOT a safe combination," Max warned...

An hour after Fang's...uh...culinary skills (or, rather, lack thereof) had been revealed to his poor mutant friends, Max called out from the dining area:

"N-UDGE! You done yet??"

"No!" Nudge replied from the kitchen.

"C'mon! I want us to get back to homework _sometime_ this week!"

"I'm almost done!"

Max sighed loudly. "Alright..."

"C'mon, Max," Iggy said gently. "Let her have her fun. Goodness knows there's little enough she's good at, besides talking, so let her make her sandwich."

"And what makes you think she'll be any good at that?"

"She can't be any worse than Fang, can she?"

"HEY!" Fang protested. "It was edible!!"

"Depends on your definition of 'edible'..." Max muttered.

"Well, actually, by definition..." Iggy began.

"Iggs?"

"Huh?"

"Just...stop. Please."

And then, as if anybody actually wanted him to, Fang burst out into another U2 song rant. **(A/N: I'm sorry….I just had to add this in. Fang singing U2 songs….tee hee!)** "Pleeeeeaaaassse, pleeeeaaaaasse, get UP OFF YER KNEEEEEEES,

PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSEEE..."

"SHUT UP, FANG!!"

Fang froze, his mouth still open. Then he shut it. And sulked.

For about ten seconds.

Then he started up again. "Hey, d'you guys remember Nudge's school lunches? Those were great...posh food in her comprehensive lunchbox..." Fang chuckled at the memory.

"Fang?"

"Yeah Iggy?"

"I'd like to conduct an experiment, if you don't mind."

"Sure! ...ehm, as long as it doesn't involve me acting like an idiot **(which he already does, but I would like to keep him in a bliss-filled state of ignorance) **or make me, like...like..."

"Spontaneously explode into millions of atoms?" Gazzy supplied cheerfully.

"What about me?" Nudge called from the kitchen.

"Nothing, Nudge," Max yelled back. "God," she muttered. "That would be terrible, having millions of Nudges--!"

"So what's the experiment, Iggy?" Fang asked.

"Well... Fang, is it actually possible for you to suppress your seemingly limitless loquacious tendencies for any measurable amount of time?"

"Huh?"

"Can you shut up for two minutes?!" Max translated irritably.

"Oh." Fang paused.

"No."

Then, at long last, Nudge joined the rest, grinning. In her right hand, she carried an old, but still in mint condition, still shiny, lunchbox. She sat down on a stool.

And she was, for once, silent.

Nudge looked at her fellow flock members, still grinning.

Max sighed, looking bored as she sat behind the kitchen counter, arms folded. "Alright, Nudge. What's in the lunchbox?"

Nudge shook her head. "Guess."

"N-udge!"

But Fang and Iggy ignored Max's protests, and eagerly followed Nudge's decree.

"Cheese," Iggy guessed.

"Nope."

"Lemon?" Fang asked.

"Nope."

"Guitar pick?"

"Still nope."

"I know!" Fang cried, excited. "Pickles!"

Nudge giggled. "Nope."

"Aww..."

"Enough, Nudge," the now impatient Max grumbled. "Just tell us what's in the stupid thing, so we can do something remotely interesting."

Nudge shook her head, nose in the air. "Nope. Not until you guys guess."

Max let out a loud noise of exasperation, and leaned back…

...completely forgetting that there wasn't a back to the stool. Or a wall directly behind her. Or anything, in fact, to prevent her from falling off the stool and onto the floor.

Thus, she proceeded to do so.

The other five were in silent shock for a moment.

"DON'T YOU DARE SAY A WORD," Max growled in a very threatening manner.

Knowing very well that Max could beat them all to a rather messy pulp in a matter of seconds, they remained silent.

Though this didn't stop them from exchanging extremely amused glances and silently chuckling as the agitated flock leader tried to pull herself back up.

And then, just as Max had got herself (carefully) back up on the stool (moaning uncharacteristically about her poor back the entire time)...

Fang laughed.

Out loud.

Very much out loud.

'Cause it was…well…very loud.

Max jumped up and tackled Fang...

And I'm not going to go into details 'cause I think it'd make me squeamish, but suffice to say...

**(…one scene of unimaginable violence later…)**

Fang lay on the floor, curled up in fetal position, moaning miserably. Max sat contentedly nearby, her back resting against the wall (and yes, this time she did check that there was a wall behind her stool). Angel and Nudge looked on, giggling like mad.

Gazzy, meanwhile, had slunk down to the floor and crept over to where Nudge's old comprehensive lunchbox lay temporarily unsupervised. He glanced furtively about, ensuring that Nudge's attention still lay elsewhere. Which it did. So the Gasman snatched the lunchbox, and opened it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright light shone down on the lunchbox, making it sparkle in radiant illumination. A faint angelic chorus was heard, singing harmonious heavenly "ahh"s, as the content of the lunchbox was revealed:

**The Perfect Sandwich.**

**(cue angelic choir)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: last chapter. Enjoy! It's short, I know, but whatever. REVIEW!**

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a bright light shone down on the lunchbox, making it sparkle in radiant illumination. A faint angelic chorus was heard, singing harmonious heavenly "ahh"s, as the content of the lunchbox was revealed:

**The Perfect ****Sandwich****.**

**(cue angelic choir)**

Angel, Nudge, Fang, Max, and the Gasman gazed in engrossed wonderment at Nudge's perfect sandwich, jaws dropped in silent awe.

"Wow..." Max breathed.

"It's so...beautiful..." Angel whispered.

"It's...it's even...even prettier than me!" Fang cried in amazement, his shadowy eyes almost tearing in astonishment and amazement at the incredible beauty and perfection in the sandwich - a perfection somehow even surpassing his own. **(as stupid as that sounds… :D)**

His fellow flock members gave Fang a look, and were about to make some dry remark, when...

Iggy cocked his head to one side, intently listening to something. He hushed the rest of the flock, and put a hand to one ear. "Hear that?" he whispered sharply.

"No," the Gasman said.

"Shhh!!"

"...sorry," Gazzy whispered. "But I don't hear anything."

"Wait...it's getting louder...hear it now??"

And, very faintly at first, but growing steadily louder, they did hear.

"...lemon...lemon...Lemon...LEMON...LEMON..."

All six members of the flock paled, blood draining from their frightened faces faster than girls flock to Fang. (**hahaha! Sorry, I had to add that in. It's getting a bit cliché…)**

Angel dropped the lunchbox.

Within seconds, they were surrounded by lemons. Lots of strangely large lemons. An impenetrably thick crowd of lots of outlandishly large lemons, looming like lollipops. **(yey for onomatopoeia!! Wait…was that onomatopoeia? I can't remember)  
**  
"Ehmm... Iggy!?" Fang squeaked in extreme fear.

"Eeeep!" Iggy squealed in answer, too frightened to even think**(!)**.

The Gasman kept his mouth shut, hoping to maintain his thin covering of toughness, despite the fact that he was about to wet his pants. Lemons frightened him.

Nudge, however, kept her head. (Or, there was just too little there, and her mind was entirely occupied with bodily functions and talking, leaving no room for extraneous things like thought...) She deftly scooped up her lunchbox, flourishing it. Then opened it, facing the lemons.

The sinister citrus screamed - sounding more than a little like Fang's rendition of the U2 song "Lemon". **(Trust me, it burns)**

The five other members of the Flock simply stared as the lemons were sucked into Nudge's lunchbox **(kinda like how the ghosts would get sucked into the Ghostbusters' traps...same effect)**. Once all the lemons had been sucked in, Nudge gently but firmly closed the lid.

A few minutes later, the rest of the Flock uncovered their eyes, to see Nudge smirking mercilessly. They just stood there, in such extreme astonishment.

Finally, Max managed to sputter out a response: "Wha...wh...that's not right! Nudge can't save the day!!"

"Why not?" Nudge asked, still grinning.

"Cos it's NOT RIGHT!" Max cried, tears beginning to star her eyes.

"Nudge," Iggy interrupted ponderously, oblivious to poor Max's dismay. "How does that thing work?"

"Well, you see..." Nudge began...then froze, a look of complete horror creeping onto and grabbing hold of her features. "Oh no," she whispered, barely audible.

"What is it, Nudge?" Angel asked.

"My...my sandwich...my masterpiece, the penultimate piece of my culinary creativity!" She furtively fumbled with the lunchbox latch, but the Gasman snatched it away.

"No, Nudge! You can't!"

"But my sandwich! My Perfe--"

"No, Nudge," Iggy insisted softly, voice low but full of force. "The world may lose a wonderful thing - in fact, one of the most wondrous things ever created by mankind. But to recover it at such a cost..." Iggy shook his head sadly. "..it's not worth it, I'm afraid."

"No..." Nudge whispered, eyes shimmering as tears of grief and loss began to form. She stretched out a quivering hand, and delicately caressed the smooth metal surface.

"I'm sorry, Nudge," Angel said softly, gently removing Nudge's hand from the glittering lunchbox.

Nudge sniffled, tears now falling free, as Angel put the lemon-filled lunchbox - along with The Perfect Sandwich - up on a high shelf, out of the reach of…well...Fang (which was the important thing).

"Aww..." Fang whined. "I wanted to try the sandwich!"

Nudge's eyes abruptly cleared of their tears, the moisture burnt away by the heat of her righteous anger. "You CAN'T EAT HER!!"

"...'her'?" Max asked warily, raising an eyebrow.

"Why not?!" retorted Fang.

"It's...it's...SACRILAGE!" the impassioned talkative one exclaimed. "It's like...like using spoons to eat with!"

"HEY!!" Fang screamed. "SPOONS ARE MY THING!!" **(A/N: if you don't get this read my story Spoonman)**

"NO THE'RE NOT!!" Nudge cried, tears coming back into her eyes with the intensity of her conviction.

Their argument was interrupted by a large explosion in the kitchen.

Fang, startled, jumped up into Nudge's arms, and Nudge held him close. **(Oh man can I imagine that…I would be laughing so hard!)**

Iggy sighed. "I told you that lemon fluff and Spam was a dangerous combination, Fang."

"Oh. That's all it was?" Fang asked.

Nudge looked at the dark-eyed figure nestled in her arms. Fang grinned sheepishly. And Nudge unceremoniously dropped him onto the ground. "Idiot…"

**The End!**


End file.
